Tealight trouble
We were a party of about 15 in All Bar One, which was filled with other office parties. It was a sit-down Christmas dinner and, after the main course and cracker pulling, I wiped my mouth with a large cloth napkin and accidentally put it down on a lit tealight. It caught on fire immediately – there were flames and smoke and the waiter was hitting it with a cloth and throwing jugs of water as people gasped in terror. I was absolutely mortified – I scurried off to the toilets during the pandemonium and never returned. June, hair stylist, Brighton
Locked loos
My first proper job was as a trainee in a firm of chartered accountants. At the Christmas party, after I had been there about two months, I left the dinner table to go to the toilets. I was surprised to see no urinal, but thought: “Oh well, it’s a small rugby club, this must be it,” and went into the cubicle. Then the lock seized and I discovered I was stuck. There was a little space at the top of the door, so I climbed up. Then, as I was halfway over, a woman walked in. I realised, to my horror, that I was in the ladies’ loos – and that I had locked the only toilet for the event from the inside. I went back to my seat and hoped I would never see the woman again, but when she came out she sat almost straight across the table from me. She was the wife of the partner for whom I worked. Andrew Fitzpatrick, managing director of a film and TV distribution company, Dublin
A Bond-themed blunder
I was working for a microbrewery in Vancouver and the management decided to organise a James Bond-themed Christmas party. I was thrilled, as I love James Bond and wearing costumes. I decided to dress up as something obscure to impress the Bond fanatics, so I went as a Zorin Industries employee [from the 1985 film A View to a Kill], in a white hard hat, a lab coat, holding a briefcase clad in mirrors. I shaved into a handlebar moustache and made Zorin labels in Photoshop. The party started at 7pm; I arrived at 8pm, hammered, right as the marketing director of the brewery was making a speech. Everyone stopped and stared – not one other person had come in costume (except my friend Bobby, who was wearing a tux). I was later informed by a pair of salespeople that they thought someone had ordered a strip-o-gram as a prank. Patrick Stewart, artist, Calgary
A fall from grace
My first job was for the Institute of Physics Publishing in Bristol. Our Christmas party started at a restaurant and it was a fun, civilised affair. However, fuelled by the free alcohol, I persuaded my colleagues to move on to a wine bar. After many glasses of cheap white wine and shots, I fell off my chair. On my way back to being vertical, I smashed my eye on the iron table. I then excused myself to go to mop up the blood in the bathroom. While I was there, I shut the door on my finger, removing the nail. When I made my way back to the table, I found most of my colleagues had taken the opportunity to leave. I then had to endure Christmas at my parents’ house the next day and their obvious shame at the state of their daughter. They told people I had been in a car crash. Mel, west Berkshire
An encounter with a crummy colleague
The work party coincided with my 30th birthday. I had taken the day off, but went back to the office for the party, as the parties were always great. During the day, I had made a Victoria sponge birthday cake and it looked amazing. I took it into work, where the party was already under way, and stored it in the fridge on our floor, with the intention of sharing it with the colleagues I liked later. As we were about to leave and go to the pub, I remembered the cake. But, when I opened the fridge, there was only my plate and a few crumbs. A colleague admitted he had eaten it and I got so angry that I had to be restrained. I had never done anything like that before, but I was damn proud of that cake, it was my birthday and this guy was a total lech, too. Needless to say, the incident was never forgotten. Anonymous, London
A merry dance
It was my first work do at a full-time job after graduating and I had never been to an event with free wine before. Late in the evening, I was talking to my manager – a trained dancer – and told him that all he needed to do was “show dominance” in the workplace. As an example, I flung myself into the middle of all my colleagues (who I’m not sure were even dancing) and showed off some very rubbish moves. The party was on a Sunday and I forgot that my bathroom was being fixed on the Monday morning, which made for a very unpleasant hangover. I did manage to stumble in for my evening shift, but I’m not sure I have ever done less work. Caitlin, librarian, Manchester
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